After yesterday’s party my mom called saying she and my aunt were gonna go to the beach and asked if I wanted to tag along. I said sure, just have to get ready. Wasn’t expecting to go anywhere.
There were still a few sand sculptures there, Disney themed, but I think they had been there for a while. They didn’t look so pretty in some places.
An aunt and uncle of mine were having their 40th wedding anniversary and threw a big party for the entire family and entourage. They rented a big hall nearby and sent out noticed to everyone invited a few months in advance telling them to keep that date clear.
So it was gonna be this huge social event with tons of people and I admit I was quite nervous about that. There’d be a whole lot of people who had never seen me after I started my transition so I had no idea what to expect.
Well, when the day came near I of course had to figure out what I was gonna wear. Luckily a few days earlier when I was out with my mom and my aunt, who just flew in from Ireland to attend this family event, I found and bought some neat clothes. One piece I was pretty sure I was gonna wear. I bought two hooded long sleeve sweaters. They’re short and cute. I got one in pink and another one in black.
At home I still had a cute tight pink top that I thought would look great with it and together with my black pants and bright pink studded belt I thought it would make an awesome look, which it did. My mom had some nice jewelry to go with it so I was wearing none in the pictures I took.
The party itself was great fun. Though a bit awkward too. One of the things I found out the past few months is that it is far easier to be myself among people who don’t know me from before my transition. I guess with people who do, namely family, I’m a bit too aware of the “but wait… he… I mean she.. was never like that!” thoughts they will have. I know I shouldn’t care about that but it’s still tough. It is easier with certain people than with others because I know they won’t judge me as quickly.
The place was decorated in a French bistro type setting and there was even an accordionist playing in the first hour while most guests were still arriving. Nice, and he was good, but we were glad he wasn’t gonna play for the entire night! There were spots to get food, even hot food, but I didn’t eat much really.
Later on the DJ started to do his thing and played lots of music to cater the crowd. Most of that wasn’t really my thing though. While not necessarily bad music it wasn’t the type I generally listen to. No Britney, no Gaga, no Avril, so not really my thing, lol. I did attempt to dance somewhat later in the evening but truthfully, I sucked at it. Feeling socially awkward didn’t help matters of course.
I made one big mistake near the end of the evening. While I had been drinking whine throughout the evening later on I was offered a drink by one of my cousins and dumb me asked for a cola-vieux. This wouldn’t be so bad if it was earlier but it was near the end, and when everyone was getting ready to leave I slammed the remaining part of my drink. It didn’t ‘hit’ until after we all left but long story short: I fell asleep on my mom’s couch and woke up a few hours later and walked home.
Posted in: Clothing, Make Up, & Jewelry, Miscellaneous, My Transition 
Tags: anniversary, clothing, family, photos, socializing
While clearly a staged shot, I do play. Just not as often as I used to.
Years ago I actually had private lessons and was actively playing classical guitar with the plan to try and go to the conservatory and keep doing classical studies. I had the talent but sadly I never followed through on that because of many stupid reasons and practically quit playing for a very long time.
Nowadays I pick it up every now and then and just shred out some metal riffs. It is good for anger management sometimes too.
It is a Samick 24 fret featuring a genuine Floyd Rose tremolo bar with double locking system and gold plated parts. It is many, many years old and damn near destroyed the thing by messing with it so much. Later on I even lowered the attack to practice double tapping techniques which I was heavily into for a while. If I were to truly play it again on a regular basis it would need a complete rewiring though, not sure it is worth the trouble.
So I got banned from the one transsexual related chatroom that I still went to last week and the reason why is completely absurd!
I am the technical admin of Halforums and it was sort of spontaneously decided to have a zombify your avatar week. A lot of crazy spontaneous stuff happens there so this certainly wasn’t out of the norm.
Anyway, I was pretty happy with the result of my zombified avatar and was wanting to show it to my friends in the TG chatroom. So I uploaded it as one of the three pictures you can have on your profile and it didn’t take long for the owner/admin to private message me.
He asked me what was up with the picture and as I was typing my response he already sent me a few more lines which read: “why would you put something as ‘disturbing’ up?” and “if you want people to take you seriously, I wouldn’t put something like that up”. I was aghast.
I tried to respond and question how a simple funny picture I wanted to show people would stop them from taking me seriously but it seemed his mind was already made up. I deleted the picture, clearly displeased at the lack of sense of humor and he replied with a “I have a better idea, I’m tired of asking you to be mature how about a 2 day ban. and when you come back if you still have an attitude we’ll make it longer.”.
Well that ban turned into a week long ban apparently because when I tried to log back in later I was shown the new date it would be lifted. Fucking asshole. For a damn picture! I guess I should not expect much from the genetic MALE that runs the place. I’m sure some people would’ve liked seeing the ‘disgusting’ picture, in fact, I know they would, but oh well. The stick in the mud had to be all Mr Buzz Killington and be an asshole.
As far as me not being mature, well duh! I’m sure you were a boring fuck at my age but I certainly have no plans of being like you. I am me, my own goddamn person and if you cannot accept that then I don’t even want to BE in your fucking chatroom.
Thanks for cutting me off from MY people, from other transsexuals I could actually TALK to. Thanks for being an asshole and destroying what little contact I had with other girls in similar situations. Thanks for being so close minded in what should be a very open minded place, where people accept each other differences and uniqueness. Thanks for being a fucking hypocrite! Asshole!
FUCK! YOU!
Addition: This was a chatroom which consisted mostly of about 10 regular users, and if at any time more than 3 were online, it was a lot. I was in there all by myself a lot. Very low traffic. New people were rare and not seen much.
I had been to this chatroom for months and everyone knew me. If those people would suddenly stop ‘taking me serious’ for posting a single photoshopped picture of myself I would have been very surprised.
So I have been talking to another guy from this dating site for quite a while now and we decided a while ago to meet up. We share quite a few interests and he is into Renaissance costumes and reenactments, which is cool. He was out of the country during Castlefest or he would have been there too. He even takes classes for sword and axe fighting. The real ones; metal not plastic or wood. So yeah, a far cry from the usual stereotypical and brainless idiots that contact me. Worth a shot, right?
There was another event coming up, Mystic Fair 2009 in Rotterdam, which wasn’t far from where he lived, so we figured we’d meet up there. Now after I looked up on how to get there I got terribly confused so I suggested to meet him near his stop and travel the last bit together. I haven’t used the underground in decades and with this new chip card system in place I wasn’t even sure if I was gonna get it right!
Now, as this was a gothic / fantasy / renaissance fair I dressed up to fit the occasion. This time in full goth mode. Black, dark, and dreary; makeup and all. Yes, another date in goth, I swear it was a coincidence! ^.^
As there was some road maintenance going on I texted him a few times to let him know when to expect me. There wasn’t that much of a delay though so I got there relatively early. Once I got off and walked toward the exist I saw him standing. First impression: “Oh shit, he’s like 4 times as big as me!”. I know I’m short, but damn! We kinda helped each other figure out the damn new chip card system and after we got that sorted we were on our way to the fair.
This was advertised as the biggest Dutch indoor festival so I had high expectations. Imagine our surprise that when we got in sight of the Ahoy building that we saw absolutely no one. Not a single soul. We were wondering if we misread the date but saw some people in costume opening doors so maybe it was just early.
He got into costume that he brought along (old renaissance garb) and we entered the building. We were met with somewhat mischievous imps but they did show us where the actual fair was supposed to be. I wasn’t prepared. It was dead. Your average neighborhood flea market would be considered crowded compared to this turnout. Ah well, maybe it’ll get better later in the day.
We picked a direction and started checking out all the neat stuff but it didn’t take long for us both to realize this place really was more of a high priced flea market with stores trying to pawn off their items to the people passing by. Some booths were nice but most of them was just sad, really. I did find a cool looking Victoria Francés bag that I later went back for and bought. Though I was really hoping to find one of those bat backpacks or one with spikes. Maybe next time.
We stopped to eat and drink some, which was also an opportunity to talk some more. I asked him about his crazy love for old melee weapons which he apparently has been into for many years. I saw him testing out a few big ass swords during the day, it is quite impressive. I picked up a tiny dagger and said that was more my style.
It was really nice to see how laid back and easygoing he was, even before we met while texting and such. He’s a very relaxed guy who doesn’t doesn’t stress out over trivial things that many do, including myself at times. It was very pleasant.
There was a second hall that was part of the fair though there were less booths in there. It did have the music stage though, and that would also be the spot where we would spend quite a few hours. Apart from a few cheesy bands that kind of sucked there were two that really stood out.
The first being the industrial metal band DEADCELL, and yes that is written in all caps. I had never seen this type of music before, or at least not as well done as them. Emphasis on the word seen as they use visual imagery as part of their act. The entire band consisted of only 4 people. With the guy singing in a voice that was perfectly haunting. A female lead guitarist clothed in a seemingly PVC outfit beating out riffs like a machine.. literally!
Then there was the DJ who ran a digital drum track and played sound bites, and I believe also controlled the video projection. Quite an odd band makeup I thought. And then, during another song, a girl walked on stage and also clothed in semi-fetish getup, who started miming! She would take part in several other songs as well in different outfits. It was awesome! It has to be seen to be believed. Their songs are very volatile and anti establishment, but not angry. Meant to be mind opening, not cause aggression. We were definitely going to look them up when we got home.
The second band that we really enjoyed was the metal band The Dreamside. Again I had never heard of them before but their music was very good and had a female lead singer who would also occasionally don a mask. They even incorporated a fire act in there near the end. Loved it!
Also saw part of A New Dawn, which was a gothic metal band akin to Evanescence, Epica and the likes but failed horribly. Their band had too many redundant members and while two female vocalists can be quite a nice thing with one of them I had the feeling she’d rather be somewhere else. (Edit: Apparently I was right because last I heard she quit the band.)
I got my picture taken a few times, no idea if they are on a website somewhere, but some of them were taken by professional photographers so who knows! One person asked who I was supposed to represent. Uhm, myself? My date goes to these things a lot and apparently knew some of the press photographers there as well, so I met some and got to talk to them a bit, especially one who was very nice.
So in the end the fair itself turned out to be sucking but at least the music was good, had good view of the stage as the place was nearly deserted, so we we still spent many hours there and didn’t spend a lot of money. Good times after all.
The best part was yet to come though, as we left the building and proceeded to the subway we talked some more and he was willing to escort me to my train so I wouldn’t get lost. It had just left so had to wait a bit which he also volunteered to do with me. It was an odd experience to meet someone so relaxed because I’m more used to the “Ok, see ya!” kinda people.
Once the train arrived I grabbed my stuff and as I started to get on and was going to say goodbye to him he leaned forward and kissed me, on the cheek! It took me a second or two to regain my composure, I am sure I was blushing because it was very tender and dear. I loved it! So cute! It was also the very first time a guy kissed me that wasn’t family or something. I got on the train and waved as the train departed and I admit I couldn’t stop thinking about all day.
All the photos I took can be seen at my Picasa as always. ^.^
Posted in: Clothing, Make Up, & Jewelry, Dating & Relationships, Miscellaneous, My Transition Tags: dating, goth, gothic, kiss, music, Mystic FairIt’s the new Bonsai Kitten 2.0 beta. A glass jar no longer needed, they grow in pots now!
My ex signed the last piece of paper to legalize the divorce. I might frame it, though it doesn’t look like anything special. I even asked how it looked before I got the paper.
Either way, I’m 100% FREE now!!
I am so happy!
Single & LOVING it!!
Now, where’s the nearest singles bar? ^.~
I actually had quite a bit written down but decided to do a different take and rewrote the whole thing. Let me start off by saying that my uncle was a great man who, after my grandmother died, took on the role as Pater Familias which is no small task let me tell you. He was also one of the first people I told about my transition and he was always very cool about it.
Yesterday started with me trying to figure out what to wear. Black of course, because it’s a funeral, but there were going to be a few hundred people there, many of which still hadn’t seen me as Julie so I had to choose wisely. I did not want to attract too much attention as this was the day we should all be focusing on my uncle and how much he meant to us. So while I really wanted to wear a specific black skirt I decided against that and wore my black pants instead along with a stylish black top.
The service itself was intense and emotional but also very beautiful. The eulogies, the music, the flowers, everything was as it should be. He would have been proud. I sat next to one of my cousins who, like me, lost a brother and has a tough time dealing with these events. All the memories and emotions surface and the pain you felt back then becomes tangible again. It hurts. A lot. She stood next to me when I did my eulogy on my brother’s service and now I was there for her. She really should’ve brought more tissues though; I had to give her mine.
Once the first part of the service was over the casket was carried outside while several people were holding flowers, guiding it as it were to the hearse. It drove slowly at walking speed with only one car behind it that held his immediate family. Everyone else, the hundreds of family members, friends and guests, walked behind them toward his final resting place; a local cemetery where more than a few of our family has been laid to rest.
When everyone arrived he was then carried to his spot, a beautiful spot that even has a nearby bench. All the flowers were placed near it and they had set up 2 big vases and a bucket of sand. This because he loved going to the beach and now everyone could grab a handful of sand and add it to one of the vases so he’d always have a little piece of the beach with him. A unique but very nice ritual.
A few more words were spoken and then it was time to walk back to the place we came from where there would be time to pay our respects to everyone and have something to drink. My cousin however, wanted to see the grave of two of our other cousins that passed away many years ago in a very unfortunate accident. So I figured we could take the time to walk around and find the spot, I had been there relatively recently so I still had a basic idea of where it was.
As we started walking back from where we came from we talked about a variety of things, our odd eating habits, weight issues, and she noted that I didn’t seem to need much comforting throughout the service. I explained that it most certainly did hurt but that most of my emotions were already released the day he passed away. I also knew that the backlash would come later.
After the entire service was over, my mom, my dad, and myself went out to eat at a nearby restaurant to try and unwind a little from what was a very emotional day. I don’t actually recall what I ate but I’m sure it was good. After dinner I was dropped off at home and that’s when it started.
I tried my best to go about my normal routine but it just wouldn’t work. Eventually, the tears came and I knew I had to leave the house. I put my boots back on, grabbed my keys, and left. I wasn’t sure whereto yet but just being outside already helped a bit. As I walked around I decided to see if one of my aunts & uncles were home and just as I got there and rang the doorbell they arrived in their car. Odd timing that was. It was already very late at this point but it helped a great deal to be able to talk to someone and let my emotions out. Once I got home I was so tired I finally crashed and fell asleep.
My family got the call to come over to the hospital yesterday as things were looking very grim. It was said it was time to say goodbye. All the brothers and sisters who were able to showed up to have one last moment with him. He passed away this morning. While we all kinda knew it was coming as he had been in and out of hospitals for many months it still hurt a lot. He left behind a wife, a daughter, and a grandson whom he was all very close with. My thoughts are with them.
The kid decided a while ago to move in with her mom and now that all her stuff finally has been shipped over there I realized just how much more room I have. Not to mention I got my bedroom back, lol. So I decided to go look for new furniture. I want to chuck out all the dark stuff and go for pinks, whites, and maybe pine. Specifically I want a new bed, a couch, a wall cabinet, and change out my coffee table.
Well on Thursday I got lucky at a nearby place that had a lot of stuff available. I found a couch I liked pretty quick. It’s fairly wide so it’s good to lounge on, and it’s a good color for what I’m going for. And I also saw a pretty big wall cabinet there that I was sure I could put to good use. There was just one issue. I wasn’t sure my TV would fit in the opening in the middle. So I measured it up and wrote it down. When I got home I checked for sizes and lo and behold it fit, barely. In fact there’s barely a centimeter of space left on either side. That is 0.4 inches. Gonna be a tight fit.
I called them the next day to verify I wanted the cabinet as well and they said they can deliver both items after the weekend. Awesome! All I needed to do after that was clean out the existing furniture that was gonna get replaced and make room.
The day after that I went to IKEA to look for more stuff, mainly a bed but you know how it goes at that place. You see so much stuff you like you just wanna buy a complete living room set you can’t really afford. :P I ate lunch there too which was pretty cheap and the soda was free! :D
Anyway, I found a lot of stuff and wound up buying quite a bit of smaller things, like lamps and knick-knacks. I also found a nice chair I liked and wound up buying. It was big and cheap!
So before they brought over the furniture I had clean out my rooms, which I did with much help from my family. :) Afterward we got to set up everything again. Of course I had to be difficult, once the wall cabinet was set up I decided it would look better at the opposite wall. LOL It does look awesome there.
I was a moron too though, I did not realize until after I assembled the chair I got from IKEA that I put the back part in backwards! D’oh!
Well there’s still more to do and it’s far from complete but I like how it looks. I have a LOT more space now and it’s almost as if I moved into a new place. :) Once I’ve done some more rearranging I’ll see if I can take some new pictures.