Amorous Eyes

T-Girl Extraordinaire

Vlog #2 – This guy.

» Written version below the video. «

I have an active profile on a large dating site. I was a member of a few others before but after tons of insults and even threats I quit those. Now I’m just on a single one and the users there have been treating me fairly well, I must say.

Now, I’m completely open in my profile, which has been reworked numerous times. It states very clearly that I am a transsexual who is still mid-transition. This information used to be on top of my profile but I have kind of sneakily moved it down quite a bit so people will read about me as a person first.

So a few weeks ago I get a random IM from this guy. He was telling me that my profile was refreshing for being so honest and open. We talked for just a few minutes. Random topics, really.

The next day he messages me again and we talk for a few minutes much like the previous day. Music, people, whatever came up. This went on for a few days until he asked me if I had like MSN or something. Now, I have a separate MSN account specifically for this very purpose. That way I can get a feel for people before I decide to give them my real MSN or not.

So I give him my alternate MSN account and he messages me. At this point it was already quite late but I figured we could talk some before I had to go to bed. At one point I mentioned that I can’t stand typing. Shock, I know, considering I do so much of it and that I have a tendency to write extremely long blog posts. I told him I prefer to use Skype as that way I can just talk and it frees me up to do other things. Like hang up the laundry. :p

Of course after I mentioned that he kept asking for it. I told him no, and that it’s too late anyway. I had to go to bed in like 30 minutes. He kept asking every now and then during our talk so eventually I told him “maybe tomorrow, we’ll see”. Well the next day we talked some more and I did wind up giving him my Skype name in the end.

So we call each other and turn on the webcams. Now in the pictures on his dating profile he still had short hair but apparently he had let it grow as it was now shoulder length. I know it sounds like a cliché but long hair on guys is a turn on for me. I love hair; bald guys usually don’t do it for me. He looked kind of handsome in sort of a devious way, if that makes any sense at all.

So we talked. We talked a lot because I completely destroyed my schedule and went to bed at 6am. We had talked for hours! Things seemed to click really well, we talked about anything and everything and it was never really awkward. He was obviously intelligent, which also happens to be a turn on for me, though I guess also somewhat lacking in people skills. The next day we both said we couldn’t make it that late again but we still wound up talking until it was like 5.30 in the morning.

What I have neglected to mention up to this point is his age. No, he’s not 65. In fact, he’s 24. Ten years younger than me. He’s in school, studying computer programming or some shit, and on the weekends he drives a taxi cab for 12 hours a day. All this didn’t leave much free time and most of it was spent sleeping or trying to stay awake so he could go out.

We kept talking almost daily though sometimes he was too busy or too tired to do so. He mentioned that before me he had never had any real conversation with a transsexual before. It also wasn’t something he was ‘looking’ for. He just happened to come across my profile and message me.

Being so young and never having had any true interaction with a girl like me he said he didn’t know if this could work. He didn’t know if he could handle it. He said he wanted to try and explore this further but that he could make no promises as he didn’t know if it was something he could get over or it would be something that would keep nagging at his brain. As he talked to me he did say I was “just a girl” but that doesn’t change the fact there are some ‘anatomical differences’ that can be deal breakers for some people.

I cannot fault him for that so I didn’t. Some people get stuck on the physical differences and can’t get past that. That’s just how it is. Others just see the person inside and have no problem with it. At this point he didn’t know which of the two he was. But he did say he had every intention of finding out.

So I told him we should meet up. It’s a good way to get a better feel for each other and see how well he does in a ‘real life situation’. He had a short vacation coming up, this very week, so he said we could meet during it. I agreed but he hadn’t set an actual date yet, he said he’d get back to me on that one. …Yeah…

After that day he got extremely busy. He said there was a family crisis that took up a lot of his free time so if we talked for 25 minutes it was a lot. This went on for a while and I tried to be supportive. Though I admit that there were times I wasn’t sure if what he told me was the complete truth. I would feel like he was actively avoiding me. Maybe regretting he made those plans to come meet me and trying to back out of it.

Then this last Monday, the same week he’s supposed to come over, he messages me. Still saying he’s been busy with stuff and whatnot. So I ask him if he still planned on coming over to meet me because it was starting to seem unlikely at this point. He tells me he has “every intention of doing so” but that he has “no need whatsoever right now for anyone to bother him about anything” and then adds: “if this is how it’s going to be, then no, it’s not happening”.

Wait, did he just tell me that yes, he has every intention of coming over but no, it’s not happening? That doesn’t even make any sense! He then mentioned his good mood was ruined, supposedly by me asking that question, and just left.

It took a lot of restraint not to just call him a fucking asshole at that point. This also wasn’t the first time he left when there was an actual emotional response. People tell me, “Well, yeah. He’s a guy!” but that just isn’t good enough for me. Running away from confrontations or conflict is a very immature thing to do.

It was then that I started to realize that for some stupid reason I tried to ignore his flaws. Flaws that should have been deal breakers for me. As a friend told me, I just wanted it too much. Now, I already realized early on that this could never have turned into something long-term but just having some fun for a short while wasn’t something I would skip out on.

But this guy would run away from any emotional confrontation. This guy didn’t even know what true responsibility was yet; he didn’t have to worry about paying rent or the electric bill. This guy was still a child. Now that is something I really wasn’t looking for.

So I left him a message on Skype saying that his response was completely uncalled for. A huge overreaction as I asked him a perfectly valid question, especially considering the circumstances. It wasn’t until Wednesday night, yesterday, that he actually logged back in, for only a second, but the messages were delivered. He never responded, he never replied.

I was hoping he would, you know, at least apologize for overreacting like that but that would be the mature thing to do. My messages were delivered and that’s all I care about really. All that remained doing was blocking his sorry ass as I sure as hell didn’t want him to come over anymore.

I did realize after this fiasco that I really can’t be with someone that young. There may be exceptions out there but he sure as hell wasn’t one of ‘m. Now, I’m not saying that every 24 year old is immature. Hell, there are younger guys out there who are much more mature than him, and there are guys in their late 30s that are still quite immature. But, the lower in age you go the less likely it is to find a mature person.

I don’t have a problem with big age differences in relationships either; I mean, I’ve seen 10 year age differences work even within my own family. It’s just that this particular guy was being an immature asshole.

So, I’m still looking for Mr. Right… or Mr. Right Now. ;) Though if the right girl would come along I wouldn’t say no either, it’s just that I’m looking for a guy. Preferably one with a nice chest. :p I have met some nice guys but I am extremely picky. Even the dates I’ve been on weren’t all bad, some of ‘m were really nice actually, but there just wasn’t a click. Even for something short-term I need at least some sort of emotional bond.

So that’s the latest on my not-so-exciting love life. I’m hoping to have some happier news on that front relatively soon. I’m talking to a few people so who knows. :)

Posted on October 22, 2010
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