Amorous Eyes

T-Girl Extraordinaire

I finally legally exist!

On July 1st, 2014 it finally happened. The law that made it impossible for me and many others like me to change their gender on any official documents dropped the sterilization and surgery requirements. This change had been promised for several years but was shoved off the table many times. Statistically speaking trans people are only a small percentage of the population which I can only presume is why this wasn’t put very high on the scale of importance.

The new law requires a statement from an expert (like a therapist or endocrinologist you’ve been seeing) in written form which I could request from the hospital quite easily. I had made an appointment with the city hall of my birth on July 11th, 2014 to change the information on my birth certificate. When I went over there, letter in hand, I was not exactly expecting a hall filled with trans people, but I was also not expecting to be told that I was only the second person to come in to make that change either. Since I hadn’t changed my legal name either yet I had them make that change as well. The entire process was quite short and painless. When all was done the lady who helped me gave me an official copy of my birth certificate, now with proper name and gender, shook my hand, and congratulated me.

Afterward I had given our local city hall the updated information and requested a new ID card which I was able to pick up not long after. It looks quite spiffy but of course comes with the mandatory crappy mugshot.

While I rarely encountered any problems whenever I had to show my old ID, it was still a bit distressing to see my old name and pronouns show up in much of my official paperwork. I’m still in the process of updating all of them, ranging from cellphone company to PayPal. Many of these I had already changed years ago as many companies don’t care what your ID says as long as your personal ‘serial number’ remains the same.

Posted on October 9, 2014 Leave a comment

Breaking the Habit

At the time of writing is has been 48 hours since my last cigarette. I picked up smoking – for the second time – during a particularly stressful period in my life. My relationship had just ended, my dad was on his death bed, and my view of my future seemed unclear. At first it was “just a social thing” and I didn’t actually buy any cigarettes until a month or two later. Of course that was a big mistake.

I wound up going from an occasional smoke to twenty cigarettes or more per day in a matter of months. It had a direct impact on my physical health and cost me a ton of money. In the beginning I ‘needed’ it due to all the stress-related problems but once those ended I still didn’t quit. By then it had become such a big habit that it was hard to let go off it.

Eventually I managed to get it down to six cigarettes a day, then four, then three, then one or two. I was stuck at that point for several months. One or two cigarettes isn’t a whole lot yet I could not seem to stop it altogether either. More recently it went up again. Three, then four, and sometimes more. Obviously cutting down wasn’t working so I made the decision to quit entirely from that point on. I smoked my last cigarette around noon on August 26th, 2014.

“Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.” – Mark Twain

Smoking is bad for your health, everybody knows that. Hell, it’s printed in big black letters on every pack you buy. My dad died from lung cancer. Well, that was the primary cause anyway. Smoking while on HRT is not recommended as HRT already comes with its own risks that overlap the risks of smoking such as cardiovascular problems, heart disease, and deep vein thrombosis. To put it another way, I was pretty fucking stupid to pick it up again.

So now comes the fun part: Withdrawal symptoms. Supposedly it’s the worst at around 48 hours after quitting. Which is… right now actually. Then I have to deal with annoyances such headaches, nausea, anxiety, irritability, and so on for the next couple of months. Luckily those symptoms will get less and less each time and after about two weeks it should get a lot easier.

Hopefully that also means that I will be able to walk up the stairs to our apartment again without getting out of breath halfway through. Though honestly, I just need to work out more. Or at all.

Posted on August 28, 2014 Leave a comment

Change in transgender law

A new law has passed in The Netherlands which will finally allow transgender people to change their gender marker on official documents without requiring surgery.

Some choose not to have surgery, others can’t due to medical complications. Either way, this new law is a good thing!

Of course, this is still politics, meaning that the law won’t actually go into effect until July 1st, 2014. :/

Posted on December 18, 2013 Leave a comment

The Shemale Myth

Being on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) has a massive effect on your physiology and especially in the beginning can be quite an emotional rollercoaster as your body tries to adjust from one kind of hormone to another. Especially one as vital and defining as sex hormones.

Beyond the physical changes that incur there are a lot of potential side-effects that come with it. Some more severe than others, and the severity will vary from person to person, but practically everyone on HRT will experience them to some degree. In this writing I will mainly talk about the impact on sexuality and the (in)ability to have a good sex life while going over some of the more common misconceptions that live in the cisgender (i.e.: not trans) world’s mind.

Pretty much everyone is aware of transsexual porn, but porn is obviously not reality nor an accurate representation thereof, so I will try and explain a bit as to what really happens to your sexual bits while on HRT.

While on HRT you will generally be put on both estrogen and anti-androgens. The latter being more commonly referred to as testosterone blockers. Testosterone is one of the main ingredients when it comes to sexual arousal in both men and women, though with women it is a bit more complicated.

Taking out testosterone will likely severely impact your sex drive. Many trans women report a virtually non-existent libido after HRT. To overcome this not only your body will have to get adjusted to the new hormone levels, but your mind as well. It is no big secret that the key to a woman’s arousal is in her brain. Mental stimulation plays a much bigger role for women than it does for men, who can practically get an erection at the drop of a hat.

If you actually manage to get an erection the next issue arises: maintaining it.

This is something that is often far more difficult for trans women than it is for cis men. We will need to keep mentally stimulated or it will simply go flaccid again. While physical stimulation can be nice, it is rarely enough like it usually is for cis men. Not only that, but even if you manage to maintain your erection it will probably not be as it used to be. The lack of testosterone will also impact the stiffness and size. It will appear smaller than before. Though it did not actually shrink, it will seem like it has. The testicles do shrink, however.

Even the feel and texture and smell of it will change. It will become softer and far more sensitive. This can be a good thing unless you become overstimulated which may have ‘painful’ results.

It is much more practical to view a trans woman’s penis as a vagina. A lot of rewiring goes on in the brain while on HRT and this includes how you will respond to physical genital interaction. This makes sense as both men and women’s genitals are made from the same material, it has only developed in a different configuration, and during sexual reassignment surgery (SRS) they are reconfigured to the proper state.

Still, if you manage all this, the orgasm(s) you can obtain are nothing short of spectacular! It is incomparable to that of a cis male orgasm and will likely leave you with warm, fuzzy feelings for quite some time.

…And maybe drool a little bit as your body wriggles and squirms out of pure satisfaction.

Oh, and just to throw it out there: No, we can’t cum on your face. Ejaculation becomes practically impossible after a few months of HRT as we don’t generate any new spermatozoa.

So how do those porn stars do it with seemingly such relative ease and no apparent side-effects?

Well, as stated before, porn is not reality. Usually they will be limiting their hormone intake, maybe even stopping for weeks on end to counteract the side-effects. (It is really not a healthy thing to switch around your dominant sex hormones on a regular basis.) They will also take sexual supplements such as Viagra to be able to get and maintain an erection.

Virtually all of them only do it for the money to be able to afford surgery which can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $100,000 depending on which state or country you live in. I only know of one trans woman who stayed in porn after genital surgery. Though her popularity decreased significantly.

It is important to note that this writing is directed at pre-op & non-op trans women who would like to keep using their penis while on HRT and at the same time being somewhat informative to the people who would like to have sex with them (and perhaps ‘destroying’ their fantasies a little bit). Many pre-op trans women have little to no desire to use their penis in any way.

Generally speaking, words like shemale, ladyboy, and tranny are unacceptable and considered highly offensive! We are not male, we are not boys, and tranny is akin to the N-word in most transgender circles.

Posted on September 27, 2013 Leave a comment
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